Fellowship of the ring SPOOF!
by Howl of a Werewolf
Summary: This will hopfully be a nice and long story
1. Intro

ME: Legend tells of the dark lord Souron, and his evil ring created to rule middle earth. Souron and his orc armies began using the ring in order to destroy the free people, and rule middle earth. But there those that that stood up to Souron. Men and Elves marched towards Murder and started destroying Sourons army. Even the dark lord himself was defeated.

SOURON: WHAT! (Gets killed by arrow).

ME: But his spirit survived to this day.

SOURON: (Shows him as the fiery eye he's known as) A GIANT EYE! WHAT THE F***!

"Lord Souron" said one of the Nazguls. "WHAT! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SPEAKING TO THE NARRITOR!" Souron cried angrily. "But we discovered great news… After lots of torturing towards gullom, we discovered the ring is in the shire, and is held by Bilbo" The Nazgul said. "WHO THE HELL IS BILBO!" Souron cried. "Haven't you ever read the hobbit" the Nazgul said. "Nope" Souron admitted. "But whatever, just go get my ring" Souron said. "Yes" said the Nazgul, and he was off. "AND WOULD SOMEONE DISINFECT MY EYE!" Souron screamed.


	2. Chapter 2

MEANWHILE! IN THE SHIRE!

Bilbo his 1011 birthday… YA, THAT'S RIGHT HE'S ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN YEARS OLD! But there was a secret he had, that NOBODY knew about. Joining the party, he turned himself invisible, and sneaked home. He then reappeared and laughed at his joke he pulled. Suddenly Gandalf appeared. "I suppose you think that was terribly clover" he said. "Come on Gandalf, didn't you see their faces" Bilbo insisted. "There are many magic rings in this world Bilbo Baggins and none of them should be used for nonsense" "YOU WANT IT FOR YOUR SELF!" Bilbo screamed. "I'm just saying-" Gandalf started. "SHUT UP UOU F***IN UNTRUST WORTHY MOTHER F***IN CHEEP SKATE!" Bilbo screamed "BILBO BAGGINS! DO NOT MISTAKE ME FOR A CHEEP SHAKE! I'M NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU!" Gandalf screamed back. "I'm trying to help you" He said more calmly. Bilbo broke into tears. And after Gandalf convinced him to, he dropped the ring. And began leaving the shire.


	3. Chapter 3

LATER THAT AFTERNOON!

Gandalf stared at the ring Bilbo left behind, he quickly realized it was Souron's. What Bilbo said about it, ringed in his head.

_It's mine, my own, MY PRIOSOUS!_

Suddenly Frodo appeared. "He left hasn't he, he spoke for so long about leaving, I didn't think he'd really do it" Frodo said, picking up the ring. "WHAT YOU DOING WITH THAT RING!" Gandalf cried. "It's just a stupid jewelry" Frodo said. "THAT RING BELONGS TO AN EVIL DARK LORD! IT'S EXTERMILY DANGEROUS!" Gandalf warned. "Have you been drinking again" Frodo asked. "Well uuuhhh… THAT DOSEN'T MATTER!" Gandalf cried. "This ring has extreme power, for years Bilbo had it, He is 1011 years old, and this ring, made him keep the same young look, along with invisibility when he puts it on" Gandalf said. He found it Gollum's cave. And escaped the cave with it.

(FLASHBACK, TO SCENE JOINING THE HOBBIT!)

"_Guys I found this strange ring, it creeps me out" Bilbo said. "Come on Bilbo, it's not like it has magic powers, And was created by an evil lord, and was passed down to the king of Gondar to find it, and the king fails to destroy it, and because of that happened to be killed, and the ring was dropped to the bottom of an ocean for many years, only for Gollum to find it, kill his friend over it, and loss it many years later, for YOU to find, and for you to pass to a great nephew years later, and he ends up on a journey, that has three movies based on it" One of the droves said. "Ya, that would pretty strange" Bilbo said. "Next I suppose Gandalf will give him the ring" Bilbo contained" _

(BACK TO PRESENT TIME)

"You must take the ring" Gandalf told Frodo. "Though It might be good idea to tell you, that the orcs found and Gollum told that the ring is HERE!" Gandalf said. "WHAT!" Frodo cried. Suddenly a head was literary thrown at the window. Frodo looked out the window and saw the Nazguls. "This is bad" Frodo said. "Very bad" Said Sam coming out of nowhere. "How did you" Frodo started. "I got a way out" Sam told them. "Well truthfully, my friend Billy dose" Sam said pointing to the guy beside him. "You mean the same guy who picks his nose and shows it to everybody" Gandalf sad. "Buggers are something to treasure" Billy said. Everyone took a step back.

LATER!

"Shit, there blocking the way" Sam said. "So much for you LONG THOUGHT OUT plan" Frodo teased. "Maybe we can try kindly talking to them" Billy insisted. Billy walked over to them, only to brutally beaten and locked inside a trunk. "I have a plan, if we are real quiet, we sneak passed them" Frodo said in a half whisper. Sam agreed. And suddenly both began screaming and running as fast they can. The Nazguls chased after them. They reached a corn field. "OUCH! STEPPED ON A ROCK! GOD DAME! Producers, why did they give us bare feet" Sam whined. "Stop being an F***in baby" Frodo snapped. Suddenly they were knocked down by Merry and Pippin. "Hello Frodo, nice for you to DROP in" Pippin said. "Shut up" Frodo snapped.

MEANWHILE!

Gandalf was riding to Issingod, to join his old friend Shoumon. "You are sure of this?" Shoumon asked. "Without any doubt" Gandalf replied. "So the ring of power has been found" Shoumon said. "All these long years it was in the shire, under my very nose" Gandalf said. "Yet, you weren't smart enough to see it, clearly you have gay feelings for them" Shoumon teased. "Good thing still have time" Gandalf said. "What time do you think we have" Shoumon said.

"Within murder the great eye sees all" Shoumon said. "The eye of souron" Gandalf whispered. "He sent the Nazguls last Tuesday, they will find the ring, and KILL the one that carries" Shoumon said. "FRODO!" Gandalf cried, and tried escaping, but Shoumon magically locked the doors. "You didn't seriously think your little boyfriend can stop Souron, did you, A" Shoumon said. "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" Gandalf cried angrily. Shoumon rolled his eyes. "We must join with Souron, it would be wise my friend" Shoumon said. "ARE YOU F***IN RETARDED, YOU STUPID GOD DAME IDIOT!" Gandalf mocked. Shoumon lost it and throw Gandalf away by using his wand, Gandalf screamed like a girl the whole way. Gandalf used his wand and knocked over Shoumon. "OUCH! THAT F***IN HURT!" He screamed, using a South Park line. The two of them started a brutal magic fight, each time they fell they made more and more swears. Finally Shoumon used his magic to grab Gandalf's wand. He violently throw Gandalf to the roof. And everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam, ran into the Nazguls and managed to out run them and head towards a lake. Sam, Pippin, and Merry managed to release dock. Frodo was last and one of the Nazguls was close behind, Frodo managed to jump onto the dock, and the Nazgul fell off his horse and into the water. But got back out and onto his horse. And started riding away.

LATER!

Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin arrived at the Prancing Pony, They were supposed to meet Gandalf there, but Gandalf wasn't there. Frodo walked up to the bartender. "Excuse me?" he asked. "EEEW! WERE ARE YOUR SHOES!" The bartender cried. "What's a shoe?" Merry asked, the other three shrugged. "Hobbits, A" the bartender said in an annoyed voice. "So what are your names?" the bartender asked. "His name Frodo Bag" Sam started. "HILL! Frodo Baghil" Frodo said quickly. "No it's not" Merry said. "Yes it is" Frodo growled. "We are friends with Gandalf the grey, can you tell him we arrived" Frodo said. "Gandalf… ou yes, I remember, elderly guy, big grey breed, pointy hat" the bartender said. Frodo nodded. "Aint seen him for six months" The bartender told him. Frodo was shocked.

SOON AFTER!

With seemingly nothing else to do, the four hobbits sat down at a table, Pippin began drinking more and more beer, without any chances of stopping. "YOU THREE GOT TO TRY THIS STUFF! Pippin screamed drunkly. "I would weather stay healthy tonight" Frodo said. "LEAVE MY MAMA OUT OF THIS YOU PERVERT!" Pippin screamed at him angrily. Pippin then began speaking in gibberish. "Pippin, there's a reason we forbid you from the Shire's bar" Merry said. "You're just lucky you got your two clones with you" Pippin said pointing at Merry. Pippin walked off. Unfortunately that lead to something bad, Frodo told everyone that he isn't suppose to use his real name, because it isn't safe. But Pippin began saying, "YA! I KNOW A BAGGINS! (Burp) WAIT OBER THERE! THE ONE WITH THE RING I'M NOT SUPPOSE TO TELL ANYBODY ABOUT! YA!" Pippin cried in dizzy drunk type of voice. Frodo panicked and put on the ring and turned invisible. "THAT WAS ODD!" Pippin cried before chugging two beers at once.

The Nazguls sensed the rings presence and started riding towards the prancing pony.

While wearing the ring Frodo came face to face with Sauron. "You cannot hide, I SEE YOU!" Frodo responded with female scream. "I mean how can I not, I am a giant eye you now, I mean dua" Sauron said. Frodo started taking the ring off. "Hey, what are you doing, I'M TRYING TO TALK TO YOU! YOU BITCH!" Sauron screamed. Before Frodo took the ring off and found himself back at the bar. He heard cheering, as he saw Pippin chugging hug water jug, full of beer. "That's just gross" Frodo said. Suddenly he was grabbed.

The strangers throw Frodo upstairs. The stranger was Aragorn, but nobody knew that yet. "Who are you" Frodo asked nervously. "Would you stop insulting me" Aragorn snapped. Suddenly the door flew open, and Sam came out holding pippin like a shield. "BACK OFF! PIPPIN IS ABOUT TO HAVE A HUGE HANG OVER! AND I'M NOT SCARED TO US HIM!" Sam warned. "Ya" Merry said from behind holding up his fists. "I don't care HOW much vomit is in your little hobbit bodies, it will not save you" Aragorn told him. Aragorn turned to Frodo. "You can no longer wait for wizard Frodo, THERE COMING! Aragorn told him.

Suddenly the Nazguls broke into the town, searching for the hobbits. One of them sniffed some beer. "HEY! YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!" cried the bartender. The Nazgul stabbed him. "Never mind, have a nice day" the bartender said before falling down dead. Everyone began panicking and running around. On Nazgul was giving a guy a weedy. And after putting the guy's underwear over his head, the Nazgul allowed him to continue running away. Another guy banged into the Nazgul. "Do I scare you" The Nazgul, seeming to want to be scary. "Maybe a little" The guy admitted. The Nazgul got angrily. "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!" The cried and started strangling the guy, and quickly killed him. "They were once men. Then Sauron gave to them nine rings of power, blinded by greed they took them without question, one by one they fallen into darkness, now they slaves to his will… They all the Nazgul, ring wraiths, neither living nor dead, they will never stop hunting you" Aragorn told them. Merry looked out the window. "Wait there's ten of them, isn't there suppose to be nine" Merry pointed out. Aragorn shot one of them with his bow and arrow. "There's nine now" he teased.


	5. Chapter 5

LATER!

Aragorn kept leading them through the wild, and towards Riverdale. Pippin kept complaining about being hungry. Aragorn tossed an apple but Sam catches it, Aragorn tosses 5 more, Sam catches all of them. Aragorn tosses another one, Pippin was inches from grabbing it, and suddenly Merry snatched it, and started eating. "WERE'S MY APPLE!" Pippin cried angrily, suddenly he's knocked over by dozens of apples.

Meanwhile, Sarumon gave control of his Saron, Saron wanted Sarumon to build him an army, so Sarumon and his orc armies started cutting down thousands of threes.

BACK TO ARAGORN AND THE FOUR HOBBITS!

They rested a large rocky tower. According to Aragorn it was once the great watchtower of weather top. He gave them each swords and said he will take a look around, and left.

LATER THAT NIGHT!

Frodo realized that the other's started a fire, which would reveal their position. The Nazguls saw it being put out, plus the fact that Pippin was yelling at Frodo, wasn't helping either. The hobbits heard a high pitched scream, and saw the Nazguls approaching. The retreated to the top of the watchtower, and nervously waited. But what arrived WASN'T the Nazgul, it was Dementors (From Harry Potter). Suddenly the Nazguls also arrived. "WHAT ARE **YOU **DOING HERE!" The lead Nazgul cried angrily. "We want the ring" One of the Dementors said. "Why?" Frodo asked. "Because, are job involves us floating around all day watching those stupid prisoners, it would be nice to finally have something pretty to stare at, other than slimy walls, and hairy men" The Dementor said. "You are such idiots" The Nazgul mocked. The Dementors ignored him. "Give me the ring, or I'll suck away your happy thoughts" One of the Dementors threatened. "KEEP THAT MOUTH CLOSED! AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT STEALING HAPPY THOUGHT!" The Nazgul screamed. The Dementor ignored him, and did it anyway. The Nazgul stabbed him. And the two forces began fighting each other. The hobbits managed to sneak away, and the met up with Aragorn.

LATER!

"Isn't Frodo suppose to be stabbed or something" Merry pointed out. Aragorn sighed. Suddenly he shot Frodo with a pistol. "WHAT THE F***!" Sam screamed. "Merry told me too" Aragorn said in self defense. "NO I DIDN'T!" Merry screamed. "And what's with the pistol, IT'S RUINING HISTORY! Guns aren't around yet. "Exserly there is, it's known as the first gun on earth" Pippin pointed out. "Ou Ya, don't you mean that gold one, seen in the Assassin Creed games" Merry said. "I love that game" Sam said. Everyone agreed. "But why doesn't Aragorn have that, instead of a modern pistol" Sam said. "I don't know, I just randomly found it" Aragorn said. "strange" Sam said. "GUYS!" Frodo screamed reminding them of the saturation. They started taking him to Rivendell.

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT CHAPTER! THE JOKE ABOUT THEM GOING INTO A RANDOM CONVENSTION AND FORGETTING ABOUT EVERYTHING, IS TAKEN FROM FAMILY GUY! **


	6. Chapter 6

Frodo woke up in a comfy bed, and was all stitched up. Gandalf was next to him. "Why didn't you meet us at the prancing pony?" Frodo asked. Gandalf told about Sarumon's betrayal. Later Frodo up with the others. Later, he was called to a meeting.

**SORRY THIS CHAPTER WAS SHORT OF LET DOWN, I'M SAVING MY IDEAS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!**


	7. Chapter 7

"I still can't believe Aragorn shot Frodo" Gandalf said. "What else do you expect from a full grown man, that sleeps with a dagger" Elrond said. "The power of the elves is failing, and Sarumon you tell me has betrayed us, our list of allies goes weak" Elrond said. "Shit man, it was crazy, he was like JOIN SARON! I was like SCREW YOU! He raised his wand and was like YYYYAAA! I went flying and was like AAAAHHHH! I hit him back and he was like NNNNOOOO! And we went into an old style wand fight, IT WAS F***IN INTENCE!" Gandalf told him.

**SKIP TO THE MEETING!**

"Strangers from distant lands, friend of old, you have been brought here, to answer to the call of murder, bring forth the ring, Frodo" Elrond said. Everyone gasped as they saw it. You have only one choice, the ring must be destroyed" Elrond said. Gimli got up. "What are we waiting for" he said, and with that he stabbed it with his axe, the entire axe was destroyed, but the ring was fine. Elrond told him that ring was can't destroyed by simple weapons. Gimli took out a hatchet. "Your just saying that" He said, and tried breaking it with the hatchet, but the hatchet broke. "DAMMIT!" He screamed. Elrond told everyone that the ring must be taken deep into murder and thrown into mount doom, he also said one of them must do it. As soon as he finished talking, everyone began screaming at each other. Boramir went up to Elrond. "ARE YOU F***IN RETARDED! THE EVIL THERE IS LIKE ME AT NIGHT! SLEEPLESS!" He sc reamed. Frodo stood up, he said that he'll do it, but nobody heard him. He said it louder but still nobody heard him. "HEEEEY!" He screamed angrily. Everybody stopped. "I will take the ring to murder… though, I do not know the way" Frodo said. Gandalf, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, and Boramir decided to assist the young hero. Suddenly Sam came running in, along the way he slipped, and then got back up "Mister Frodo isn't going anywhere without me" He said. "Or me" said Pippin coming out of nowhere. Merry also appeared. "YA!... What are we talking about?" Merry said. "Nine people, so be it you shall be the fellowship of the ring" Elrond said. "Right… Where we going?" Pippin asked. Everyone glared at him. "What?" he asked.


	8. Chapter 8

**ME: I'M BACK AND READY FOR WILL BEGAN MORE CHAPTERS**

**FRODO: AS LONG AS ARAGORN DOSEN'T SHOT ME AGAIN!**

**SAM: I'LL DEFEND YOU, YOU MEAN A LOT MISTER FRODO**

**FRODO: IT'S COMMENTS LIKE THAT, WHAT ARE WHY PEOPLE THINK WE ARE GAY!**

**SAM: …**

**ME: OK THEN…. ANYWAY ON WE GO!**

The nine of them began there long journey to Murder. They stopped for a break at a bunch of rocks. Were they camped out and Boramir was giving Merry and Pippin basic training. "If anyone was asking for my option what I know you're NOT! I'd say we were taking the long way around… Gandalf, we could pass through the mines of mordia, my cousin Berlin would give us a royal welcome" Gilmi told Gandalf. "No Gimli, I would pass through the mines unless I had no other choice" Gandalf replied.

While training Merry was holding a glass of milk, Boramir accidently cut Merry, and Merry spilled the milk, he went on his knees. "NNOO! (Crying) It's all over the (sniff) floor (crying)" he whined, (It's suppose to be based on what Homer dose in a Simpson's episode).

Suddenly Gandalf saw that Sarumon released a bunch of birds, and they had to hide.

AFTER THE BIRDS LEFT! THEY ALL CAME OUT OF THER HIDING SPOTS!

"Spies of Sarumon" Gandalf said. "Dua" Boramir mocked. Gandalf hit Boramir on the head with his stick. "The passage north is being watched, we must take the mountains" Gandalf said.

The nine of the were traveling through the cold mountains. Suddenly the heard Sarumon's voice. He was using magic to create a huge storm which would bring down the mountain, and it was working. Lighting hit the top of the mountain, and an avalanche came down on them. "ZOO WEE MAMA!" Gimli cried, referring to popular line from the hit books DARIY OF A WIMPY KID! Before they were all covered in thick layers of snow. Once again Gimli recommended the mines of mordia. Gandalf remembered what Sarumon once told him about Belog (an ancient fire demon) was down there. "Let Frodo decide" Gandalf said. "We shall go through the mines" Frodo said. "So be it" Gandalf said.

MUCH MUCH LATER!

They arrived at the walls of Mordia, and Gandalf unlocked the door, and they went inside. But what nobody noticed was a large octopus watching them. "Soon you guys shall see the joy of being a dwarf, roaring fire, mount beer" Gimli started. "And bodies" Pippin interrupted. Gimli and everyone else began seeing Dwarf bodies everywhere. He began doing what Merry did over the milk, only saying THERE all over the floor instead of IT'S all over the floor. Suddenly Frodo was grabbed by an unseen force. "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME!" He screamed. The other hobbits chased after him. They saw that Frodo was being grabbed by a large tentacle. Sam managed to cut off the tentacle. It went into the water, for a while things were quite. Suddenly thousands of other tentacles came out. And grabbed Frodo. Frodo going flying, making female screams the whole time. Aragorn and Boramir started cutting off tentacles. "THIS TENTACLE IS SO SLIMY!" Frodo screamed. Boramir managed to cut to cut off the tentacle holding Frodo. Frodo fell down, and ended up having a concession began nobody cached him. They retreated into the mines. The octopus chased them. But was killed when the entrance smashed onto him. Leaving there only choice, was to travel through the dangers of mordia.


	9. Chapter 9

After lots of walking, they eventually came across a tomb were Gimli's cousin Berlin was buried, poor Gimli broke down into tears. Gandalf noticed a large book. He read there last words

_BERLIN: SHIT! BELOG IS COMING CAN'T YOU HEAR THE DRUMS!_

_BOMBER: AND YET! I'M FAT!_

_Sound of Berlogs roor. (Violent sound effects). _

"And then it says something about blood being poured everywhere and" Gandalf said before Aragorn interrupted. "WOW! WOW! WOW! Is that really what the book says?" Aragorn asked. "Hell no, I'm just describing what most likely happened" Gandalf replied. "Well the book must have been important, for that skeleton to die with it, why not read it" Legolas said. "Fine" Gandalf groaned. Gandalf read out loud. "They have taken the bridge, and the second gate, drums, drums, in the deep, cannot get out, shadow moves in the dark, cannot get out, THEY ARE COMING!" Gandalf read. "There I guess that meant something I suppose" Gandalf said. Suddenly there was a loud noise. Pippin had mistakenly knocked a skeleton down a well, and the noise revealed their position. "F***IN HOBBIT! WHY ARE SO RETARDED! THROW YOURSELF IN NEXT TIME, WHY DON'T YA!" Gandalf cried angrily. Suddenly drums were heard, followed by the sounds of goblins. Boramir checked the door, and was nearly hit by arrows. "They have a cave troll" He informed everyone.

The Goblins broke in, Everyone grabbed their weapons and a huge battle began. Gimli went crazy and started killing the crap out of them. Sam began using his frying pan, "I think I'm getting the hang of this" He told himself. Frodo pushed one down and started stabbing the crap out of it. Aragorn cut the head of one. Suddenly there was roor heard. Sam killed a goblin, and saw a large cave troll break throw the door.

It came after Frodo, and Pippin started defending him, but the troll grabbed him and started violently shaking him. Joining it Frodo was knocked into some rocks.

At this point all the Goblins were dead, all that was left was the troll, Legolas shot an arrow into its mouth, the dead troll fellow over poor Pippin, strangely not ONE person went to check on Pippin, they were all worried about Frodo, Pippin managed to get himself out, and wasn't too badly hurt. Neither was Frodo. Suddenly they heard more goblins and retreated toward the bridge of caze a doom (or something). But they were surwanded by thousand of Goblins. But suddenly the Goblins ran off at the sounds of loud drums. "It's the Berlog, a demon of the accent world, his power is beyond any of you" Gandalf said. "RUN!" He cried. And they continued towards the bridge.

MUCH LATER!

They were almost out, but Berlog was closing in on them. Gandalf decided to heroically fight it off. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" He screamed angrily. Berlog paid no attention towards him, and simply kicked him off the edge, to his fate. "NNNNOOOO!" Frodo screamed. "SHUT UP!" Boramir cried angrily, and started strangling him. "BORAMIR! Kill him AFTER the ring is destroyed" Aragorn said. "Fine" Boramir groaned. Berlog started running toward them, but suddenly he slipped on his tail and fell off the edge.

LATER!

As soon as they escaped the mines. Everyone crying about the death they suffered. But Aragorn wanted to keep moving. "Give them a moment for pity shake" Boramir insisted. "By night fall these hills will be crawling with orcs, we must head for the forest.


	10. Chapter 10

The eight of them ran into elves at a forest,that took them towards lady Galadriel.

LATER!

I'll skip to when Frodo looks into the mirror. He sees to his horror, the shire being taken over by orcs, and his entire spices were being murdered. Galadriel told him it is what will happen if he fails. Frodo realized he had to keep moving.

BACK AT ISENINGOD!

"Do you know how the orcs first came to being" Sarumon asked."YA! YA! YOU TOLD ME 20 TIMES TODAY! WE WERE ELVES, THEN WE FRIGGIN CHANGED! YOU REALLY HAVE TO STOP REPEATING YOURSELF!" Lurtz cried, and then kept going on about it even more. "OK! OK!" Sarumon cried angrily. Sarumon hates Lurtz, because of the fact that he can never EVER shut up, toped of with the fact that he isn't very bright.

LATER!

Sarumon had 200 orcs, dressed in armour, Lurtz was the leader. "HUNT THEM DOWN! YOU DO NOT KNOW PAIN, YOU DO NOT KNOW FEAR! YOU SHALL TASTE MAN FLESH!" Sarumon cried. All the men cheered, but the hit each other. And started getting angrily with each other. "Calm on boys, calm down" Sarumon said. But with that they all started beating the hell out of each other. "GUYS!" Sarumon screamed. Everyone stopped. "Is this any way to behave" Sarumon told them. They looked at each other, and then went back to fighting each other. "Is this usually how they behave?" Sarumon asked Lurtz. "pretty much" Lurtz admitted. They both ducked as an orc was thrown over them. "Anyway, one of the Halflings has something of great importance, bring him to me alive, KILL THE OTHERS!" Sarumon told him.


	11. Chapter 11

The eight of them ran into elves at a forest,that took them towards lady Galadriel.

LATER!

I'll skip to when Frodo looks into the mirror. He sees to his horror, the shire being taken over by orcs, and his entire spices were being murdered. Galadriel told him it is what will happen if he fails. Frodo realized he had to keep moving.

BACK AT ISENINGOD!

"Do you know how the orcs first came to being" Sarumon asked."YA! YA! YOU TOLD ME 20 TIMES TODAY! WE WERE ELVES, THEN WE FRIGGIN CHANGED! YOU REALLY HAVE TO STOP REPEATING YOURSELF!" Lurtz cried, and then kept going on about it even more. "OK! OK!" Sarumon cried angrily. Sarumon hates Lurtz, because of the fact that he can never EVER shut up, toped of with the fact that he isn't very bright.

LATER!

Sarumon had 200 orcs, dressed in armour, Lurtz was the leader. "HUNT THEM DOWN! YOU DO NOT KNOW PAIN, YOU DO NOT KNOW FEAR! YOU SHALL TASTE MAN FLESH!" Sarumon cried. All the men cheered, but the hit each other. And started getting angrily with each other. "Calm on boys, calm down" Sarumon said. But with that they all started beating the hell out of each other. "GUYS!" Sarumon screamed. Everyone stopped. "Is this any way to behave" Sarumon told them. They looked at each other, and then went back to fighting each other. "Is this usually how they behave?" Sarumon asked Lurtz. "pretty much" Lurtz admitted. They both ducked as an orc was thrown over them. "Anyway, one of the Halflings has something of great importance, bring him to me alive, KILL THE OTHERS!" Sarumon told him.


	12. Chapter 12

The eight of them reached deep inside the large forest. They camped, nobody noticed that Frodo went on ahead. "None of you should wonder alone" said Boramir as he was gathering firewood. "You least of all, so much depends on you" he containued. Boramir asked for the ring, but Frodo denied. Boramir dropped the wood in anger. "I ONLY ASK FOR THE STRANGE TO F*** MY PEOPLE!" Boramir cried angrily. "You want to rap your people?" Frodo asked in a confused voice. "WHAT!" Boramir cried. "You said you needed strange to f*** your people" Frodo said. "HOLLY SHIT! I DID!" Boramir cried. Frodo nodded. "Well, I meant defend" Boramir told him. "Are you sure you're straight, and not homosexual, because from what I hear, there aren't very many woman in Gondar" Frodo said. "I SAID DEFEND!" Boramir screamed. "What about you and Sam, A" Boramir said. "That's just a fan fiction myth, Frodo is in love with a woman" Frodo said. "JUST GIVE ME THE RING!" Boramir cried trying to grab it. "NOO!" Frodo cried. "You are not yourself" he containued. Boramir leaped onto him, trying to grab it. "DUDE! STOP RAPPING ME!" Frodo cried. "But you enjoy it, don't cha" Boramir said slyly. Frodo's eyes widened and he soon started screaming in fear. He managed to put on the ring, and run away.

He later ran into Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. They saw Lurtz's army coming, and Aragorn heroicly said he'll fight them off. But as they came closer, he panicked and ran off, so did Gimli, Legolas saw them both held in a ball at a corner, shucking their thumbs. Leaving Legolas needing to fight them off by himself.

Frodo banged into two orcs, One was in Uruk Hai armor, the other strangely only had one eye. Frodo thought fast. "I'll give it to you, your tougher" Frodo said to the Uruk Hai. "HEY! I'M THOUGH!" Cried the one eyed guy. "Though people don't one eye" Mocked the Uruk Hai. The one eyes guy started beating him, and bite him for some reason, "CHARLEY, BITE ME!" The Uruk Hai cried. (Obviously referring to the classic YouTube video). Frodo managed to sneak off. Lurtz came and saw them fighting. "He started it" Said the Uruk Hai. "And people wonder, WHY, I question putting you as my second in command" Lurtz told the Lurtz told the Uruk Hai.

Frodo ran into Merry and Pippin. They told him the way out. "Don't worry, it's safe" Pippin said. "It is?" Merry asked. Pippin elbowed him. "I mean, OF CORSE IT IS" Merry said rubbing his arm. Frodo started going. "WAIT!" Merry cried. "Can I come with you?" Merry asked.

INSIDE FRODO'S HEAD!

_Him and Merry and mount doom. "DESTORY IT!" Merry cried. "The ring is mine" Frodo said evilly. "So?" Merry asked. "So, if you want to destroy it, your have to push me off also" Frodo said. Merry did just that. And Frodo fell into the Fire, and died._

PRESENT TIME!

"NO WAY!" Frodo cried. And with that he ran off. "Know what?" Merry asked. "Don't worry, I have a plan" Pippin said.

Legolas was shooting so many arrows his hand was moving like a windmill. All the orcs at that end were dead. Aragorn began bragging about how HE killed them all by himself, Legolas growled at him.

"GREAT PLAN PIPPIN! THEY CAPTURED US!" Merry cried angrily. As the two of them were tied towards ropes. Lurtz turned towards the Uruk Hai, Guard them as I go to take a dump" Lurtz said. Then he ran into an conveniently placed outhouse, and closed the door. Everyone began hearing terrible screams coming from Lurtz. "OU GOD! THE PAIN!" He screamed, continues screaming, "What the… DAMMIT! IT'S NOT EVEN COMING OUT!" Lurtz cried angrily. "Ok, that was awkward" said the Uruk Hai. "LETS KNOCK THE CANDY OUT OF THEM!" Cried the one eyed guy, holding up a wooden baseball bat. "PLEASE, LET ME GO! I NEED MY MAMA TO KISS ME BOOBOO!" Merry cried. "Ya, and I got to get home so I can lick my cat" Pippin said. "You like your cat?" Merry asked in a creeped out voice. "Maybe, sometimes" Pippin admitted. "I don't care if Santee Clause, is dying on your back yard, and you need to hear his last words, I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO!" The Uruk Hai cried angrily. Boramir appeared. The one eyed guy attacked with the rest of the group. Boramir cut the head of the one eyed guy, and started killing them all. Merry and Pippin managed to escape. Lurtz appeared. "STOP!" Boramir cried to him. Lurtz motioned for everyone to stop attacking. "If you want them your have to get through ME first" Boramir said bravely. Lurtz shot him with a pistol.

Back to Merry and Pippin. They heard the gun shot. "We should help him" Pippin said. "Why?" Merry asked. "COME BACK!" Boramir cried from the distance, before another gunshot was heard. "He dosen't need our help" Merry insisted. "YES I DO!" Boramir cried, another gunshot is heard. "He's testing us" Merry insisted. "THIS IS NOT A TEST!" Boramir cried, anouther gunshot. Merry felt cowardly and ran off, Pippin followed him. **  
><strong>

Boramir has fallen down dead. Suddenly Aragorn appeared. "I suppose your mad at me for what I did aren't you, well your never kill me EVER, I am a expert fighter, my name is Lurtz, that's L.U.R.T.Z (Aragorn looks at his watch) a lot of people say I talk too much, but truthfully I" Before he continued, Aragorn cut his head off. "HEY! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! DON'T JUST CUT MY HEAD OFF LIKE THAT, YOU BASTERD! I MEAN!" Before he finished Aragorn kicked his head like volleyball.


End file.
